Shades of Mad

That is life
Even when we’re happy
We’re still sad
Blocking all the sorrow out
With some new and improved fad
Trying to disguise that
We’re all just different shades of mad

It’s simple
This is how it goes
We play the game so very well
We know all the tricks
And endless turns
Within is where the black swells
Rumbling, it sickeningly churns

Before it’s set
The score is known
This maze is dark and full of traps
We try to flee – to run
But there is only black
And so we stumble unsure
Afraid of the threat of attack

It is quiet
But our fear is loud
We are weary to the bone
Choking and coughing
We splutter in the fumes
Stroking our bedazzled egos
And their feathered plumes

Living is a lie
Escape is not imminent
If you see it through my eyes
This world is damn torturous
All we have are memories
And their empty shadows
But we cannot see them in the dark

Almost reaching
Yet not close enough
They slyly melt into the murk
So we are once more alone
In the abyss of a blur
Crying and waiting
To be saved from hurt

The demons dance in our heads
They salsa and fox-trot
Creeping out from under the bed
like a bullet cleanly shot
You feel the pain
But do not understand
There is no blame
Just its fiery-cold brand

And how we love to deceive ourselves
With smiles and fake laughs
The devils dance their slippery dance
And mock us without a glance
The Gods have no favour for lost souls
They know when it is too late
When there is no hope
When it is fate

shadows-photography

Images

Concentration takes a lot more effort than I used to believe. It’s difficult to focus on the words in front of me and the music in my ears seems to resonate through my entire being. I am flooded with feelings I don’t fully understand.

Outside has never seemed more beautiful and I want to curse the heavens for blessing me. But at the same time, how do you shun what you’ve come to love?

It is hard to ignore the truth when it echoes in your mind all the time.

The whispers bounce off the walls of the cavernous and black labyrinth inside.

The shadows swirl seductively and the images play back like a projector in an abandoned movie theatre. It is haunting and beautiful and you cannot re-emerge.

And if you looked into my eyes maybe you could see all these poisonous thoughts fluttering like the beating of a bird’s wings. Perhaps you’d be able to look beyond the brown murk and discover my true worth.

I don’t know what the future holds and God knows I’m scared to death, but I’m willing to let go, take the plunge and hurl myself over a burning building.

Someone give me strength, this will be my end.

The Funeral

Everyone is in black

They file in, sombre

Without looking back

For my honour

 

Tissues clasped

Little sobs of grief

Hands grasped

Murmured disbelief

 

‘Too young’ they whisper

The priest prays

‘Save my soul’

I sigh from the grave

 

The organ cries out

A haunting tune

Someday I’ll be found

Wrapped up in you

 

The pews are all full

With people I once knew

And that magnetic pull

Separates me from you

 

My heartbeat is as silent

As my newborn tomb

‘This is her final moment’

Say the people in the room

 

The coffin is closed

With a violent click

Finally I am reposed

In my own solitary district

 

The pall bearers

Lift my lifeless body

The staring strangers

Are clearly very sorry

 

I am lowered down

The sky weeps too

As I feel the ground

Embrace me anew

 

I taste the earth

Covering me completely

Denounce my worth

But I’ll never be lonely

 

Once night falls

You’ll resurrect me again

Darkness calls

Without a trace of shame

 

Sleeping Beauty

Reincarnated

This is a story

That’s complicated

 

See, you kissed me to death

Bled life into my soul

Saved my last breath

From the infinite cold

 

Rest in peace

Is what they claim

I am finally free

Laid down today

 

You filled my heart

Until it burst

Broke the shards

And had me cursed

 

My eyes are shut

There is no life

The words are stuck

I have died.

Ignite

Her eyes are glazed

She’s staring at your face

But there isn’t anyone there

Just an emptiness that rings hollowly

It’s the sound of silence in a crowded room

The awkward pause before saying ‘I love you’

The way the words stick in your throat

How you endure that choking sensation!

And in the darkened room she is alone

He’s carved a spot in her soul

But she doesn’t know if she can let go

If she loses control

The repercussions are unknown

But still she feels his lips on her hair

And the way he holds her

Broken pieces being shoved together

And a mind moulded by the music

Beautiful he says, but she can’t believe it

This world has been too cruel

And the scars she wears are the proof

But then again he has those too

If we held them against each other

Would the pattern be imperfect?

Could light and dark make a beautiful grey?

Tell me will you fill my sky with clouds on a sunny day?

I want you to be my misery

My happiness incomplete

The sound of your heartbeat

Playing on repeat

And your voice will be the lullaby

To soothe the demons in my head

I’ll fall asleep without wanting to cry

And you’ll bleed out of my skin

In darts of perfume and sweat

This is the way I like to love

In a haze of teeth and kisses

And burning flesh

That smoulder from heated minds

Which ignite every time we coincide

Removed

The road is flecked with leaves in a multitude of brown and dull green hues. My footsteps echo in the desolate place. I pull my jacket around me tighter and try to curb the shiver that resonates from somewhere within. The sky is painted with the glitter of a few million stars, tiny orbs of energy that us mere mortals sometimes wish upon in the futile hope that they can make our dreams come true. The trees stand tall and dark like guardians of the night, standing and observing the comings and goings every day. The wind whispers through the branches telling secrets I will never understand. I stop and glare with hatred at the moon. It is bright and filled with hope, things I can no longer identify with. Bats screech in an array of playful and eerie noises. I pay them no heed for I am lost in my own world again. A subconscious part of me notices the scenery and how removed I am from it. The night breathes with life and possibility. Laughter trickles out distantly from the residences and the faint beat of music disturbs silence. The creek tinkles serenely and I try to appreciate it. But my black mood has infected the way I view the world. The road is not covered in pretty little leaves but spewed with the disgusting fallen soldiers of the guardian trees. The pinpricks above me are piercing and hurt my eyes when I look at them. They are too pure and too happy. The breeze is harsh and angry, it cuts through my jacket and allows the cold to reach my inner being. This is how I live now – all things beautiful have become ugly.

Closer

Last night I tried to write

I stroked the keys with my fingers

And hoped the words would tumble out

But they are stuck in my throat

Charring my mind

Riding the current in my veins

And driving me insane

If I could climb into your skin

Just to be a little closer to your soul

I’d sacrifice my endless control

If it meant I’d see the unseen

Explore twisted places I’ve never been

I’d peel back the layers you’ve hidden

And announce my feelings to you unbidden

But for now I’ll drown into your ever-changing eyes

Trying to disguise it with my anxious smile

Infected

I see your face

All the time

It haunts my dreams

And turns me blind

Through the shadows

Of the night

I seek and search

My finite mind

System infiltrated

A Trojan horse

My files infected

By your discourse

The darkness seeps

Under my door

Silently it creeps

The black foreigner

The mist outside

Is thick and heavy

My breathing is thin

Heart flaking

I cannot see

The way back home

There is no guide

I am alone

The fear sets in

I see the virus

Begin to win

Cold hiatus

I close my eyes

Count to ten

Release one breath

From deep within

It’s time to delete

Remove the trash

The past is complete

Just one click

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