Ignite

Her eyes are glazed

She’s staring at your face

But there isn’t anyone there

Just an emptiness that rings hollowly

It’s the sound of silence in a crowded room

The awkward pause before saying ‘I love you’

The way the words stick in your throat

How you endure that choking sensation!

And in the darkened room she is alone

He’s carved a spot in her soul

But she doesn’t know if she can let go

If she loses control

The repercussions are unknown

But still she feels his lips on her hair

And the way he holds her

Broken pieces being shoved together

And a mind moulded by the music

Beautiful he says, but she can’t believe it

This world has been too cruel

And the scars she wears are the proof

But then again he has those too

If we held them against each other

Would the pattern be imperfect?

Could light and dark make a beautiful grey?

Tell me will you fill my sky with clouds on a sunny day?

I want you to be my misery

My happiness incomplete

The sound of your heartbeat

Playing on repeat

And your voice will be the lullaby

To soothe the demons in my head

I’ll fall asleep without wanting to cry

And you’ll bleed out of my skin

In darts of perfume and sweat

This is the way I like to love

In a haze of teeth and kisses

And burning flesh

That smoulder from heated minds

Which ignite every time we coincide

Removed

The road is flecked with leaves in a multitude of brown and dull green hues. My footsteps echo in the desolate place. I pull my jacket around me tighter and try to curb the shiver that resonates from somewhere within. The sky is painted with the glitter of a few million stars, tiny orbs of energy that us mere mortals sometimes wish upon in the futile hope that they can make our dreams come true. The trees stand tall and dark like guardians of the night, standing and observing the comings and goings every day. The wind whispers through the branches telling secrets I will never understand. I stop and glare with hatred at the moon. It is bright and filled with hope, things I can no longer identify with. Bats screech in an array of playful and eerie noises. I pay them no heed for I am lost in my own world again. A subconscious part of me notices the scenery and how removed I am from it. The night breathes with life and possibility. Laughter trickles out distantly from the residences and the faint beat of music disturbs silence. The creek tinkles serenely and I try to appreciate it. But my black mood has infected the way I view the world. The road is not covered in pretty little leaves but spewed with the disgusting fallen soldiers of the guardian trees. The pinpricks above me are piercing and hurt my eyes when I look at them. They are too pure and too happy. The breeze is harsh and angry, it cuts through my jacket and allows the cold to reach my inner being. This is how I live now – all things beautiful have become ugly.

Closer

Last night I tried to write

I stroked the keys with my fingers

And hoped the words would tumble out

But they are stuck in my throat

Charring my mind

Riding the current in my veins

And driving me insane

If I could climb into your skin

Just to be a little closer to your soul

I’d sacrifice my endless control

If it meant I’d see the unseen

Explore twisted places I’ve never been

I’d peel back the layers you’ve hidden

And announce my feelings to you unbidden

But for now I’ll drown into your ever-changing eyes

Trying to disguise it with my anxious smile

Infected

I see your face

All the time

It haunts my dreams

And turns me blind

Through the shadows

Of the night

I seek and search

My finite mind

System infiltrated

A Trojan horse

My files infected

By your discourse

The darkness seeps

Under my door

Silently it creeps

The black foreigner

The mist outside

Is thick and heavy

My breathing is thin

Heart flaking

I cannot see

The way back home

There is no guide

I am alone

The fear sets in

I see the virus

Begin to win

Cold hiatus

I close my eyes

Count to ten

Release one breath

From deep within

It’s time to delete

Remove the trash

The past is complete

Just one click

Cookies hashed

Featured Image -- 256

Love Among The Damaged

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Those who need love the most will almost never find it. That is the coldest and cruelest truth of human existence. It burns like ice.

No one needs love more than those who’ve been deprived of it, yet no one has more difficulty getting it. And no one finds it easier to lose it, either. It’s like a romance comedy that abruptly turns into a horror movie again and again and again.

When you’ve been exposed to extreme cruelty—or savage indifference—early on, your life is a repeated waking nightmare. If you grew up deprived of love, you will most likely grow old the same way. If you grew up bathed in love, you will bask like a giggling baby in the sunshine until you die. And once you are set on your path, it is nearly impossible to bend the road.

It’s like damaged…

View original 524 more words

Fake

I can’t write and I can’t function anymore

I’ve been waiting so long for them to see my flaws

I’m only human but I’m not like the rest

See, I’ve got hope branded across my chest

 

My ideals are based on truth and morality

But now and then I indulge in fantasy

In that place I lose myself

There is no heaven only hell

 

The burning encompasses my whole world

And it’s like the sun blew up

But no one heard

It shattered leaving shards of sunlight stuck.

And they blind my eyes with their golden beams

But in my head all I can do is scream

 

The hole inside grows with the days

I fear I am just chasing the shade

Shadows follow me everywhere I go.

The darkness has become part of my soul.

 

You think I’m foolish and just a child

But there is so much that I can barely hide

All you have to do is look into my eyes

Then you’ll see the beginnings of my demise

 

Brimming and boiling it surfaces from within

Its brilliant black fumes contaminate my skin

Scarlet tattoos on my wrist

But darling don’t worry, I’m fine if you insist

 

My legs are numb and my heart beat is slow

You think I’m alright but there is so much you don’t know

Breathing is only natural for those who are alive

And I am just living without any life

I smile and laugh and watch the sky

The clouds float along; I tell them “goodbye”

 

Underneath my flesh and bones reek

They know that I am anything but complete

They’re rotting with pain and hollowed with anger

Push me too hard and watch my stamina

 

I’m not strong – just alone

That builds a force bigger than you’ll ever sow

So be my crutch and help me walk

Head up, stance poised to stalk

I can fake it better than I’ve been taught.

Existence

I stare at the picture unblinkingly. I recognise the girl but she is so different. The sunlight on her unblemished cheeks is reminiscent of her pure and bright soul. Happiness radiates from her eyes and her smile spreads across her face like a rainbow in the sky.

I wish I could warn her and tell her to enjoy it before it’s too late. I want to shake some sense into her and tell her to appreciate everything. But I can’t.

I cannot slip into the past and correct my mistakes. It’s too late to say what I should have then and it is futile to dwell on this now.

Somehow I can’t prevent myself from sifting through the memories.

I read the diary entries with a sense of surprise. I hardly remember the events I’ve written about. It seems like it happened to another person, I can barely recall any of them.

Have I shut too much out? Did I block the bad out as well as the good?

The girl is a stranger to me, we are wholly different. It scares me to look at her now because I don’t remember when she transformed into the hollow shell that I am.

All I have are the pictures and the poetry and the diary entries.

But they are not enough to resurrect an image in my head.

The change has been so drastic and so complete. I am in shock and I am afraid.

Was it supposed to happen like this?

Questions always fucking questions without any Goddamn answers.

I’m so tired of this depression – this heavy solitude and futile pursuit of happiness. Every time I have minimal contentment I end up disappointed.

There will never be a life for me just an empty existence. I have accepted it and while it does hurt, I have no choice but to carry on.